Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
