If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
