About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
