1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
