How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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