wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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