Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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