My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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