i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
