Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
