whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
