Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
