I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need a beard to bite.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
