I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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