I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
