Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just got carded by a ten year old.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
