Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
