Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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