I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
