Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
