The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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