The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
