I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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