It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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