ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
