It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
