Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
