haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
