so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
