happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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