There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You're like the curious george of whores
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
