Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
