i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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