I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
