Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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