We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
