I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize