I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
