I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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