M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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