Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
