Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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