I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
