So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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