i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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