dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
