I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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