barbara walters just said penis...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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