so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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