Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
