Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize