Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
