you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
