Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
