why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was not drunk enough for that final.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
