I can tuck mytits in my pants
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
