Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
