Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
