just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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