you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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