So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
