wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
