oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
