Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
