Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
