Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
