I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
