If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
